Speaking the Unspoken (and other acts of impulsiveness)
by BluntNife
Summary: Misaki finally hears the answers he's been looking for about why Saru left. It occurs to him for the first time that that doesn't really end anything. Starts angsty and could be read as friendship for the first few chapters, but eventual yaoi. First fan-fic, lemme know what you think.
1. Prologue

On a deserted street in a demoralized street on an unseasonably cold day in March, Saruhiko Fushimi was staring at a pole.

It was a stupid thing to do of course, he had work to do for one, more work than usual in fact since the death of the third Red King 15 months ago. And the fact that stating at inanimate objects is literally one of the least productive things to do. But the sight of an ugly and unsightly lamppost resurfaced memories he could never seem to let go of.

It was idiotic. The memory was almost inconsequential in the first place. That wasn't the day the world he'd built with Misaki fell apart. It wasn't even the day the cracks started. It was just a normal day of doing nothing. Saru drinking a coke, staring aimlessly at a world he felt no connection to. Misaki next to him getting too invested in the violent world of his video game. Just a normal day that continued to be a normal day after one small aberration. Just a normal day aside from meeting Souh Mikoto.

_Misaki snatched the cola he was drinking, downed it, then threw it in a random direction. _

A violent and pointless action, but such a Misaki thing to do he wouldn't dream of doing anything about it beyond throwing an exasperated look.

Then the Red King caught it.

Nothing happened. They came, they talked, they left. Saruhiko and Misaki went back to their small world for a little while longer, joining Homra properly when they had nowhere else to go.

Saruhiko's mind wandered to more recent happenings. Mikoto's death. A meeting in prison. Misaki's tears. His own uselessness in everything that happened.

_It's like soaking a wick in gasoline_ thought Saruhiko. _It's not the start of anything, but the whole situation would be better if it had never happened._

This revelation made him wonder if the failure of his and Misaki's relationship was inevitable. At the same time how far he had overanalyzed their relationship by this point pissed him off.

His thoughts were such a mess by this point he didn't hear a distinct clatter of wheels headed towards him.


	2. DeRetox

Misaki Yata was hurt, tired, and directionless, working it out the only way he knew how. Skateboard and bat covered in the blood of thugs and petty criminals, Yata was wandering the streets without a destination or cause in mind. As long as he wasn't stopping, nothing else had to matter. Until he caught sight of Saruhiko Fushimi that is.

He didn't know why he stopped. Their relationship was where he'd wanted it after all. For a few seconds he just stood there, struggling with emotions he couldn't comprehend.

_The fuck's he doing just standing there anyway_ thought Yata, abandoning his feelings at the first opportunity presented.

"Oi monkey, don't you have a job to do?"

Eyes that Yata couldn't see widened at the familiar voice. Thoughts racing, Saru wasn't paying particular attention to his words when he responded, "Tch, like you would know anything about that"

"I know work better than you, lazy jackass"

"…"

"You've never _worked_ a day in your life. Typing and paperwork don't count. Neither does torturing, you enjoy your 'blood and flesh' too much. God you're such a bastard. All the time you-"

"What are you doing here ," Saruhiko said not quite shouting, still not facing Misaki.

Goddammit, what was he doing here? He was still standing where he'd stopped his skateboard, fingers numbing both from the tightness of his grip on his bat and from the lowering temperature. At this point, he was just awkwardly babbling whatever came to mind. Despite this, he couldn't make himself leave.

So he kept talking.

"You're horrible. You're mean to everyone, even if they're perfectly nice to you, you don't speak normally to anyone, you can't even eat your goddamn vegetables without help. I mean Totska-"

"Leave Yata!" Saru yelled, finally turning around to show a pained expression Yata didn't notice.

Angry for a reason he couldn't understand, Yata wasn't sure if he was breathing as he said his next words.

"You don't talk to me for a fucking year and now you don't even say the right name. What have you even been doing traitor? God, why the hell did it turn out like this!?"

As soon as he said those words he knew why he was here.

"You know what ok. I-if we're really doing this, if we're really never going to talk again or see each other again and we're just going to be nothing, just tell me why" _My voice is cracking. Why is my voice cracking?_ "I-I really don't believe you left for power. But I really have no idea. Homra was great. We finally had somewhere we belonged. It was our family. Mikoto-san saved-"

"WHY THE HELL IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT HOMRA! Can't one goddamn thing just be about you and me?"

Saruhiko had a crazy look in his eyes. But not in his usual sadistic way, in the terrified way of someone who knew there was something wrong with him.

"FINE! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE ME?" shouted Yata with all of the frustration he'd ever felt with their messed up relationship.

"BECAUSE I WASN'T HAPPY THERE YOU FUCKING IDIOT! Because no I can't talk to people and because I hate fire and because Mikoto-san is scary and because it's just not where I'm supposed to be Misaki! Because you didn't look at me the way you used to and because I can't stand being just another comrade to you and because you didn't let me call you Misaki anymore and because WHY THE HELL IS YOUR PERFECT WORLD SOMEWHERE I DON'T BELONG!? And… and…"

Saru sank to his knees as everything that happened in the last three years replayed in his head. A detached part of him realized he was crying.

"I-I'm sorry Misaki. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry… sorry… s-sorry," he repeated, face in his hands in between sobs.

The sound of a skateboard clanking on the ground and wheels over pavement seconds after were the only sounds accompanying Saru's breakdown, and just like that Saruhiko was left freezing and alone with only his thoughts for company.


	3. The Prodigal Idiot Returns

It hurt. Oh dear God did it hurt. But it was a far kinder pain than Saruhiko was used to. More like poison being sucked from a wound than the usual searing burn.

Saru didn't know how long he sat there crying, but when the tears finally stopped he got up feeling lighter than he had ever remembered feeling and returned to SEPTER 4 free of a burden.

For the first hour after hearing Saruhiko's confession Misaki felt like his head was filled with white noise. Unable to think he kept on riding until his thoughts caught up to him, at which point he sat down on a street corner and tried to think.

_He's obviously lying._

Why would he lie?

_Why'd he lie in the first place then! You know better than to trust that bastard, after everything he's done to you._

Yeah but he's a proud bastard. He wouldn't _cry_ for a stupid act.

Or show any sign of weakness really.

His mind wandered back to Saru's sobs briefly, and he felt something tighten in his chest.

_What the hell was he even talking about? Doesn't belong there… how's that even possible, Homra's great! I mean before that we were alone weren't we… not to mention the incident with the Green King…_

Despite such thoughts, looking back he couldn't really remember Saruhiko being happy or excited at any time when they were together at Houmra. Not that he's a happy or excited to begin with, but compared to when it was just the two of them, the difference was a little jarring. Unbidden, he remembered a question asked by Kusanagi when they first joined, "I wonder if Fushimi-kun is letting himself be saved by us?"

At the time he couldn't conceive of an answer other than yes. He still couldn't actually. But the more he thought, the more he was forced to accept that that wasn't the case.

_Goddammit, he says it to my face for once and I still don't get it._

He wished he could go ask Kusanagi-san what he meant. He wished he could talk to Totska-san about it, he always seemed to get their relationship better than Misaki did. He wished he could just hang out with Kamamoto for a bit so he could do something other than stew alone with his thoughts. Overall, he was incredibly homesick for a home that didn't exist anymore.

After several minutes feeling more alone than he's felt in his entire life, Misaki finally got up with a sigh and a destination.

He decided to get some flowers before setting off. It had been a while since he'd been to his parent's house after all

It was his little brother that saw him first. Misaki was surprised at how much he'd grown. The last time he'd seen him he was just a little brat. At thirteen he was already almost as tall as Yata, as he realized when Minoru ran over to hug him. Ordinarily that kind of thing would have hurt his pride, but right now it just made him a little sad.

"Nii-chan! You're back! It's been too long! Haha, you smash some heads while you were away?"

"Heh, course I did. Someone's gotta teach the bad guys a lesson. Is mom or dad around?"

"Honey, hurry inside, it's getting late," Speak of the devil.

She had opened the door just to yell at Minoru, but as soon as she saw Misaki he was barraged with hugs and complaints of "Haven't called in half a year and now you show up unannounced" (he was glad he brought flowers for that, it could have been worse) and "What have you been doing? You don't tell me anything! How's Fushimi-kun?" His face must have given something away on the last one because she stopped with the questions after that and instead focused on feeding him and fussing over his health.

After assuring her he was staying safe (fighting's not dangerous if you're the one kicking everyone's ass) Misaki retired to what used to be his room. It was his sister Megumi's room now, but she was at a friend's house for the night. It brought back memories he's hoped to forget. Or more recently, resolve.

It was a nice house, Yata reflected. Reasonably expensive, good place in the suburbs. Nice family too. A pleasant (if sometimes smothering) mother, a good, hardworking father that supports his family, two schoolage children that stayed out of _big_ trouble… altogether it was a pretty perfect world by most standards. But it's not Misaki's world.

As he was lying on the bed thinking about everything, there was a knock at the door.

"Wha-"

"Ah, Misaki-kun, so good to see you're back. It's been a while hasn't it?"

It was his step-father. And he was right; it had been a while, a few years in fact since he'd come back in person. He had spent all of his holidays with Houmra, and before that with Saru. He called every so often, but most of the time even thinking about his family depressed him. He was a bit past that now though.

"Sorry to bother you now," continued Misaki's dad without waiting for a response, "but I didn't think you'd stay here for long, and I wanted to tell you some things before you go."

"Well, to start with, I think you've done pretty well for yourself. You've made choices that you can be proud of, and I think you're doing what's best for you. But a good chunk of people wouldn't agree with that.

"They think there's only one way to live a life. Go to school, get a white collar job, get married, continue like that until you die. Like my life I guess. And that's a fine way to live. But it is not the only way to live.

"You've carved out your own life. And even though I gather you've been facing difficulties, I think you've made a fine life for yourself. Even though I doubt you were ever really concerned about society's judgment, I'm proud of you, is all I really wanted to say."

"Y-yeah. Yeah. Thanks dad"

He just smiled and left after wishing Yata a good night.

Even though he didn't resolve any of his problems, Misaki felt better for having come back. Not for the first time, he was thankful his mom had found someone good to make her perfect world with.


	4. Progress, of a Counterproductive Sort

**To Preface: a thank you to anyone who had faved, followed or reviewed this story. Those helped me stay motivated so much, I hope you enjoy this chapter ^^**

* * *

Saruhiko Fushimi was doing better at work. Or so Lieutenant Awashima thought anyway. In truth, he was accomplishing as much as he ever did, he just wasn't being as difficult to deal with. It's not like he'd had an epiphany about how he should treat others or anything, he just didn't feel as angry as he used to.

Unfortunately, this change in attitude encouraged Hidaka in his quest for friendship.

"C'mon Fushimi-san, come out with us this weekend, we're going to karaoke!"

"Are you deaf? I said no."

It was because he'd hesitated. For the first time, he'd actually thought over one of the idiot's offers. He reached the same conclusion he normally would of course; being together with a group of people would be more work than fun, and he'd honestly rather be doing actual work. Now if he'd just said no automatically like usual maybe Hikada could automatically accept his answer was no. Or quicker than this anyway.

"There's got to be something you'd like to do with us. Bar hopping?"

"No."

"Party at Domyoji's dorm? He knows how to party man."

"Are you sure about the deaf thing?"

"Scoping out chicks at the beach? May might be a little early, but hey, no crowds."

"God you're dumb."

"Eh? Oi, give me one good reason we shouldn't scope out chicks at the beach."

"Well for one I'm gay-"

"You're gay?"

"Yeah."

"Huh."

A brief pause.

"Gay bar hopping?"

"Go back to work, you idiot."

Yep, altogether things were going pretty well for Saruhiko. The lieutenant wasn't nagging him as much, strain activity had started to go down, and the captain had all but given up on bonding activities. He realized this. Before he might have kept putting a negative spin on his life, but now he could appreciate that objectively speaking he was doing good.

But he wasn't complete. The lingering feeling that something was missing stayed with him. He knew what it was. What it always was. Underneath all of the anger, bitterness, and jealousy that had fueled him for so long he was left with only one sentiment. He missed Misaki. Like constant hum in the background of his life Saru always felt the loss of his presence. And without all of those other emotions to fill him up, he was just felt incredibly empty.

_Not that there's anything for it_ thought Saruhiko as he resolved to just bear with it, _I was the one rejected after all._

Misaki Yata was moving on. Or so fuckin' Brando thought from his stupid "you-know-I'm-proud-of-you-right" smile anyway. In truth, he yearned for his old life at Homra as much as he ever did, he was just wallowing less. It's not he'd had an epiphany on accepting loss or anything, it's just the world didn't stop when the life wanted did and he kept on living.

He returned to his apartment. He went back to his part time jobs. He started talking to Kamamoto again even though he was still a little pissed at how easily he let Houmra fall apart. Eventually he fell into a rhythm that some days didn't really feel that bad. One day Yata ran into Brando at the grocery store. Even though he only approached him with the thought _Dude's a fuckin bagger. Haha that's worse than my job! Gotta rub it in. _he was still gradually building a new world for himself.

But even as he slowly recovered from the death of Homra, thoughts of Saruhiko wouldn't leave him. Whether he was waiting tables or arguing with his friends, the conviction that he should do something about Saruhiko was always gnawing at the back of his mind. He knew why, this definitely wasn't how he wanted things to stay, but he just couldn't bring himself to approach the traitor. He hadn't sorted out his thoughts yet, let alone figured out what he would say. He had no idea where he wanted them to go from here, so he was perfectly content to let his relationship with Saru fade into the background of his life. Until a certain incident on June 3rd that is.

_Unfamilar territory. Tch, what a pain._ thought Fushimi as SEPTER 4 pushed further into the Green's territory. As it happened, it was the green clansmen who were responsible for the upsurgence of strains after the Red King's death. They had quieted in the last month to prepare for the final stage of their king's plan. The nature of this final stage, or even their goal, was apparently too confidential to give to the small frys that cracked and told the Blues what they did know. In the end SEPTER 4 had decided on a raid as their course of action. They were unlikely to beat the Green Clan at information gathering after all. Unfortunately, the request for permission to take action against another clan sent to the Gold King had received no answer, which the captain seemed to take as a terrible sign.

Saruhiko was frustrated with what a bad situation they were in (and at the involvement of the Green King of all people…), but continued to do his job to the best of his abilities. When the green clansman inevitably discovered the blue invaders all hell broke loose. Swords clashing with the Greens motley collection of weapons, the Blues managed to force themselves into the inner chamber of the Green's hideout, where the Green King was waiting.

It was a spacious room with a balcony mostly occupied with a behemoth computer that could have been from the 40's. Even though it was difficult to tell while disposing of Greens left and right, Fushimi got the impression that the Green King was horribly displeased. He went for the captain as soon as they arrived.

They battled for several hours, during which it became obvious who would win. The Green Clan became desperate after that, it would seem. Saru had paused in attacking to assess the situation when he noticed a green clansman up on the balcony. He registered a gun-like object and its target before he started moving. He yelled but there was still too much commotion to be heard. He made his choice then.

He thought of his imperfect world. Of incompetent subordinates who did their best and demanding superiors who were usually right. Of places he had been and situations he could have handled better. Of his bastard father and uncaring mother. Would she even care? Even if he went to hell he thought it'd be fine as long as he never ran into Niki Fushimi. He had a fleeting thought of Misaki before a burning sensation spread throughout his body.

Munakata looked over as Fushimi crashed to the ground, comprehending the situation immediately as he saw the electrolaser still pointed at him and Saru's crumpled body.

The last thing Saruhiko saw was an explosion of electricity before he gave into the darkness at the corners of his vision.

* * *

**... This story has not been kind to Saruhiko so far. Don't worry though, the worst he gets from here on is a punch in the face. Physically that is 3**


	5. A Step

Kusanagi returned in the middle of June. Even though Yata hadn't quite forgiven him for leaving in the first place, the thought of coming home to Homra was too tempting to turn down, so in the end he went with Kamamoto to welcome him back to Japan. They arrived as he was polishing the bar, freshly cleaned after six months of neglect. He sure hit it off with Kamamoto, with a classic kind of happy reunion filled with "How you been" and "What have you done since you've been back". Nothing important. Nothing about how Mikoto and Totska had died. Nothing about how Homra had died. Just mindless fuckin chatter. Pissed Yata off Goddammit.

Apparently his hostility showed even if he wasn't saying anything, because Kusanagi kept shooting him glances while he was talking with Riko. That might've been what gave it away actually, usually he couldn't shut up. Dammit.

"Yata-chan, I take it you haven't heard if you're being this calm," Kusanagi stated gently and with a hint of sadness as his conversation with Riko came to an end.

"Haa? What the hell are you talking about?" Misaki yelled without quite meaning to. He hated the feeling of being handled. And there was something in Kusanagi's voice that made him more scared than he was willing to admit.

"Saruhiko Fushimi has been hospitalized for the last two weeks after defending the blue king in battle"

…

The sound of boots on linoleum was the only sound reverberating through the otherwise quiet hallway. Ordinarily an infirmary would be busy, but with a specialized force like SEPTER 4, they didn't usually have injuries severe enough to spend a decent amount of time there. All the same, there are always exceptions.

The hallway was returned to silence as the owner of the boots arrived at his destination, the hospital room of the recently awakened Fushimi. In place of his usual scowl, Saru watched impassively as his superior entered his room and sat in a chair next to his bed. There were several moments of silence before Munakata Reishi smiled and said, slightly more officially than the situation called for,

"Pleased to see you've awoken Fushimi-kun."

"Tch"

"Your outlook wasn't too good honestly. Your death was unlikely, but never waking up was a distinct possibility. I had faith though. You're hardly done living.

"Everyone was quite worried you know. Hakida cried, I believe the situation reminded him of something else. Awashimara let you off of any work-related responsibilities, the highest gesture she can give I hope you realize.

"On the subject of work, you are not required to return for six months. Legalities. Provided you've recovered, you're welcome to return sooner. Even if you can't go to the field yet, there's plenty of non-active-"

"Captain."

Another smile as he started on the true purpose of this meeting.

"You must be curious of the circumstances of course. You we're shot with an electrolaser, a gun that shoots lightning. The technology's been around for a long time, but it's too impractical for widespread use. The green clan augmented the laser with their powers and were planning on using it to fatally distract me in my battle with the green king. Then you intervened. Almost immediately after that Akiyama-kun disabled the gunman, although not without some collateral damage"

"… What happened to the Green King?"

"He surrendered quietly after losing the battle and is currently being held in SEPTER 4's private prison. We've discovered his goal, to take over Japan. He's not particularly creative. How he planned to do this is still a mystery."

There was another brief silence before Munakata stood.

"I'll be taking my leave then. But before I go, thank you, Fushimi-kun. You saved my life."

A glance confirmed that he was serious. Saru looked away.

"Tch, whatever."

A final smile, and Saruhiko was left alone with his thoughts.

…

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

It was a week after Kusanagi shared Saruhiko's condition. Misaki's original shock had worn off and was replaced by anger masking maddening worry. It came in waves really. Now was anger.

"That blue bastard's a fucking king, why the fuck should he need Saru to protect him?! And Saru, since when would he die for shit?"

"Y-yata-san," Kamamoto tried vainly to calm Yata down. They were at bar Homra again, he was apparently distracted enough not to give Kusanagi-san grief over leaving, but he was getting too unruly for Kusanagi's standards for his bar.

"We didn't- We never- God fucking dammit why would he die for something I don't care about at all?"

"Yata-chan," Kusanagi began with a sigh while putting Yata's drink over a coaster, "Now what's between you and Fushimi is between you and Fushimi, and I'm not gonna tell you what you should and shouldn't do about that situation. But as someone that knows both of you, isn't that how Saruhiko felt at Homra?"

"… hah?"

"Not that I'm really scolding you. His stay here would've probably ended better if he'd just thrown a temper tantrum in the first place."

Yata sat in silence for a few seconds, then stood abruptly after contemplating his words and rushed out of the bar. Kamamoto wasn't as worried as he would normally be though. He looked surer of himself than he'd been in a year.

…

It was the end of Saruhiko's first day back at work. He didn't do anything strenuous, just filed paperwork mostly, but he was nevertheless relieved to have something to do. It was shaping up to be a pleasantly uneventful day; that is until he caught sight of Misaki Yata leaning against his door.

It was a shock. They hadn't even seen each other since Saru confessed. As Misaki walked toward him until they were face-to-face, Fushimi was hit by a wave of blankness and a million thoughts, the only one that he could hold on to being that Misaki looked more pent-up that usual. As he finally started to wonder what on earth his ex-partner was doing there, he was distracted by a swift and hard punch to the face. Even if he'd been thinking clearly, wouldn't've expected that.

He would've fallen if Misaki didn't seize his arm after punching him. Although he didn't do for Saru's sake.

"YOU MADE MY LIFE FUCKING HELL SARU! I finally had exactly what I wanted then you just crush it like it's nothing! And you couldn't even just leave you fucking asshole, every time I see you you twist the goddamn knife with everything you say and do. I… I fucking cried for you Saru and you weren't even fucking sorry."

When he started talking he said everything like he'd never get the chance again; like he was releasing something that'd been pent up until it couldn't be held anymore. But he paused after his first tirade and loosened his grip on Saruhiko's arm.

"I wanted to hate you. I wanted to hate you so fucking bad but I just couldn't. Even when you act like a goddamn psycho, even when you do things you know I hate, even when you insult the family that I love… I can't.

"I heard about how you go hurt. I was so pissed off, it's not like you to be that fucking stupid. I was yelling at Kusanagi about it, when he said that's how you felt at Homra. And I still don't really get that. But then he said it would've been better if you'd just thrown a fit like I would. But you can't do that. I know you can't do that, the Saru I knew, the old Saru, never could've done something like that."

His grip tightened again.

"Saruhiko… I'm sorry I never realized when you weren't saved!"

Saruhiko was in shock. His mind was a blank, but he felt some emotion he couldn't recognize well up in the pit of his stomach. He vaguely realized Misaki was crying, and without thinking wrapped his arms around him. He then became aware of his own tears and squeezed harder. He couldn't describe what he was thinking or feeling, but being understood, even if it's only a little bit, was the greatest miracle he could have asked for.


End file.
